Should I Unblock My Ex? Weighed Up Properly
The block was a decision made by a version of you who needed protecting. This is for the version of you deciding whether that protection is still necessary — or whether it's become a wall between you and a life you're ready to rejoin.
Talk to a human
Write Kris today.
If the decision feels too heavy to talk yourself into or out of, tell Kris where you're at and she'll write back herself.
Weighing it up
The case for
- If the block was purely about surviving the first raw weeks, and significant time has genuinely passed, keeping it up can become less about protection and more about avoidance of feelings you're actually ready to face.
- Blocking someone you'll inevitably cross paths with (shared friends, shared workplace, shared custody) sometimes creates more social friction than it prevents, especially once the acute pain has settled.
- If you've built real emotional distance and you genuinely no longer check whether he's posted, unblocking is unlikely to hurt you the way it would have on day ten.
- For some women, keeping the block is itself a form of staying attached — it says 'I still need a wall,' when what they actually want to prove to themselves is that they don't.
The case against
- The block was doing a specific job: removing the option of a 2am scroll or a 2am message. Unblocking hands that option straight back, and willpower is a worse safeguard than architecture.
- You will very likely see something — a story, a post, a new person — that you cannot unsee, at a moment you don't get to choose. That's a real cost even if you tell yourself you're prepared for it.
- Unblocking is itself a message. Even if you say nothing, most people notice, and it can read as an invitation whether or not you meant it as one.
- If there's any history of the relationship being difficult to leave, or of you going back multiple times before, the block is doing more structural work than you might be crediting it for.
- 'I want to see if he's moved on' is one of the most common stated reasons, and it is almost never actually about closure — it's about needing something to hurt so the numbness has a shape.
The verdict
Keep the block for now, and set a real date to revisit it — sixty to ninety days out — rather than deciding in the moment the urge shows up.
The block isn't a punishment for him or a statement about your maturity. It's a tool with one job: reducing the number of moments where you have to actively choose not to look. Removing that tool should be a decision made from strength, on a day when nothing prompted it, not a decision made from an urge.
If you do it anyway
Step 1
Pick a specific, ordinary day to do it — not the anniversary, not after a hard night, not right after seeing something that stirred it up. Neutral timing is part of what makes it a decision rather than a reaction.
Step 2
Mute his notifications and stories even after unblocking, so the practical exposure stays low even though the wall is gone. You can remove the block without inviting the feed back into your day.
Step 3
Have a plan for what you'll do with what you see. If you can't answer that question honestly, you're not unblocking for closure, you're unblocking to go looking for something to feel.
Step 4
Tell one person you trust that you've done it, and ask them to check in with you in a few days. Accountability catches the slide back into checking before it becomes a pattern.
Step 5
If within a week you notice you're checking his profile more than you did in the month before, reblock without shame. That's not failure, it's the tool doing exactly what it was designed to do.
Questions women ask
Is it okay to unblock just to see if he noticed?
That's usually a sign you're not ready — it's chasing a reaction from him rather than genuinely reclaiming normal life. Wait until you no longer care whether he notices at all.
What if we have to co-parent or work together and blocking isn't practical long-term?
In those cases, unblocking on necessary channels only (not every platform) while keeping personal social media blocked is a reasonable middle ground.
Does unblocking mean I'm not over it?
Not automatically — but the reason behind it matters more than the act itself. Unblocking from indifference is very different from unblocking from hope.
Should I unblock him if he asks me to?
No — his comfort with the block isn't a good reason to remove something you put there for your own protection. Make the decision based on your readiness, not his request.
What if I unblock and immediately regret it?
Reblock straight away. There's no rule that says a decision has to stick once you can see it wasn't the right one — reversing it quickly is exactly the right move.
Talk to a human
Write Kris today.
Tell her where you are right now — one honest paragraph is enough. She reads every message herself.
